Love Languages - Sort of a Book Review, Sort of an Epiphany

Funny how love is this unqualifiable thing that we all of us try to wrap our minds around, box up and even quantify. I'm learning alot about it recently. Not just for myself...but in general. I'm learning that love is as much a many splendored thing as it is a snarled, windy path to compassion, upheaval and self-awareness.

In fact, let me start there and say that in order to truly be able to express and experience the receipt of love, I think that we, as individuals must be honest with ourselves as to who we are at our most basic level.

If we don't understand who we are, how we express love and what we expect in terms of love in return, we cannot begin to be honest with ourselves and come to a true and deep working understanding of love. Whoa...that was a packed sentence. But if you follow then maybe you're nodding your head.

In simpler terms, we all have a way of expressing love, and we all know how we most enjoy receiving love in return. The starting point for really enjoying love is to acknowledge "this is what makes me feel love."

I'm learning to do that. I think, finally, after five years of being shut off, shut down and shutting out love in terms of receiving. I have had to learn how to accept loving gestures from others. That's such a hard thing to do.

There is a book currently out called The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Committment to Your Mate. The book sounds to be preachy but I am thinking...okay so many people have spoken about it...let's see what the fuss is about.

I'm writing from only having read a few of this book's chapters...but it's premise is true. We all learn to express and understand love in specific ways. Much like we learn the language of our country and parents, we learn the language of love in the dialect of our environment. The author, Gary Chapman, outlines that there are FIVE love languages he can recognize; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service & Physical Touch.

I have learned from my environment that I probably have, as the author suggests, 2 main love languages, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Those two hit me hardest. They are the things I know I use most to convey my love to and for other people. I won't touch people I don't like and care for and don't expect to be touched in return. And, as any of my most kindred will confess, I'm often the one who is constantly serving others. However, I don't know that I have am comfortable enough in my heart to accept the service of others. As other stories have expounded, I've had to learn to be more picky about whom I share my love languages with, in as much as I am a doer and a giver... many are takers, relentless takers...and that has injured my understanding of what I see as one of my primary love languages.

Anyone who can say they know me knows I am a language buff. I speak four, English, French, Italian and the Sicilian Dialect. (you better believe they are as different as night and day...a regular verbal gerbil) But unlike a verbal language, I am challanged to trust and understand other people as they "love on" me.

Often lines of love get blurred. There are those for whom we can feel strongly and know fully in our hearts we do love...but the boundaries are blurred and we may transgress. There are those whom we think we understand who suddenly challange our ideas of love entirely. It's a pretty complicated mess. But it can be a good mess I guess.

What I suppose is up for discussion here is that love has languages, specific modes of communication. Do you agree? Do you think its psycho-babble? If you do then what languages do you think you speak? Pick up the book it's a good read regardless of your "religion."

The question of love is a manifold issue. It makes me wonder a lot about its reasons, its whens, wherefores and whys. I'm a little less concerned with the "who" at this point I suspect inasmuch as I'm trying to re-learn the language of love, in a healthy way, in my life.

Big questions? What's loveable about me? What misconceptions do I think my specific love languages pose to my being understood by those of the same and opposite gender?

So here is what I know to be true, I think, at this point. I love, love. I truly enjoy intimate conversations, the kind where you really share, not to be mistaken for pillow talk. (not my point whatsoever) I love to be touched and to touch other people; hugs, tickling, silly gestures: physical connections whatsoever. I understand this as a conveyance of a level of comfortability, trust and a true desire to be in the company of the person I am encountering.

I am also petrified of love. Everything I have invested love in has systematically been taken from me, or some circumstances arise in which the loved person/idea/goal leaves me totally sttricken with betrayal or disappointment.

I am a worrier. I can't just let things be. This = trust issues or something of that nature I'm sure. But I suppose that committment is perhaps the thing I lack. Not just in love but in life.

I have noticed of late that I am a constant transient. It would appear from the outside that I am forever waiting on the next big thing. If I do not stay still long enough for love to grow roots...I suspect the outcome is obvious. Perhaps we are all waiting on that love worth growing roots for.

For a generation such as mine I believe we are so pushed to be driven, that the idea of slowing down long enough to enjoy love is petrifying. Perhaps at 27 I'm getting ready to slow down...

Anyone have anything to contribute to this stream of consciousness??