On taking the job home...
My chosen profession is amazing. Its a full contact sport mixed with a reality TV series meets a live-action adventure roll playing game. Pick your genre of human interaction and well...you can pretty much bet that inside of any given day I will run the gamut.
Today was really heavy. I have no other word for it. It was full, and it had range...lots of range. I am in love with my students. Yes it sounds odd and those who want to take that statement in some lewd way, well then just stop reading now. Because what I have to say has nothing to do with lechery, stupidity or foul intention.
I have learned to give myself, my time, my all away to 150 people at a time and its addictive. My love for teaching is as strong today and it was the first day and probably as it will be my last day. High school is an infurating and challenging and inspiring setting. It is my mission field, my Eden...I understand it. I survived one of the cattiest places on earth myself. But public high school, wow...
Perhaps it is because I am in search of a "good man" in my own life that I have so eagerly undertaken the task of helping to build good men in the school where I work. I am a staunch disciplinarian, friend of manners, chivalry and acting not like a boy but a man. These young men...and many of the young women, they flock to me, seeing someone who doesn't see them for their young years but for the human kinetic energy they possess. I envy them, I extoll them...I admonish as best I know how.
Today I watched one of my "sons" realize his dreams of championhood. He is strong, willing, determined and, now, focused. Focus. I am busting with pride to know I had 5 minutes worth of time in helping him realize for himself this good way. It is return on an invaluable investment. The best kind.
Today I realized that one of my littlest ones has tried a few times in the last few months to end his stay on this earth. I wept. I weep as I write. So bright so young so fun so dramatic and special and intuitive. So heavy with worldly woes at 14. Yet...he gives hugs whenever we meet, seeks me out to have an occassion to laugh and morphs from stone faced and sober to a wild-waving fanatic from across a quadrangle when he sees me and OOHH! in that moment he is the carefree child he should be again. How I want to give him as many of those moments as is possible.
Today I realized that one of my seniors is sabotaging himself purposely. He is testing those who are trying to see him realize a most patriotic and noble goal. He has all the tools and oh when he is in his little cadre he is in complete control however....he's just been reduced to deck swab on my watch. This young man is daring me to quit on him. Begging me without word or gesture to discipline him...keep him accountable. And now...I'm afraid I won't be enough.
Today I wallowed momentarily in the knowledge that the student I have had the longest is giving up on himself. He has no goals...only a social agenda that I suspect he doesn't realize will pass him by with age. How do you help a person achieve who believes they are worthless, brow-beaten and well...lazy. How do you help a man who is failing 6 classes stop the slippery slope...how? How can I, as a teacher, love him better, teach him best, reach him, HURRY! I'm running out of time.
Today I was reminded that another of my "sons" is beyond my reach and I can't help him when he's out of my little snow globe. Sadly I am not omnipresent...and I can't do for all...but I can do all for some.
Today I was given back the inkling of a gift I thought I would never see returned and I scarcely have the heart to hope...so I'll just lay down my hands and let God do the driving.
Yes I seem to have taken my work home with me tonight. I'm not just some French teacher....I'm helping or hell trying to help be a good influence to build good men and women. Men and women who know truth, hard work, hard play, hard love, and hard laughter. Perhaps if I build enough good men...I'll know one when I meet him and he me.
But for now I'm souled out *pun intended* to these, my "sons" and I will do all I can. I am single-minded...but not obsessed. I feel called, compelled. It is not a game, it is not a chess match. These are real people, real lives...and I a lynch-pin, hair-trigger season ticket holder.
God give me wisdom....please!!!
Today was really heavy. I have no other word for it. It was full, and it had range...lots of range. I am in love with my students. Yes it sounds odd and those who want to take that statement in some lewd way, well then just stop reading now. Because what I have to say has nothing to do with lechery, stupidity or foul intention.
I have learned to give myself, my time, my all away to 150 people at a time and its addictive. My love for teaching is as strong today and it was the first day and probably as it will be my last day. High school is an infurating and challenging and inspiring setting. It is my mission field, my Eden...I understand it. I survived one of the cattiest places on earth myself. But public high school, wow...
Perhaps it is because I am in search of a "good man" in my own life that I have so eagerly undertaken the task of helping to build good men in the school where I work. I am a staunch disciplinarian, friend of manners, chivalry and acting not like a boy but a man. These young men...and many of the young women, they flock to me, seeing someone who doesn't see them for their young years but for the human kinetic energy they possess. I envy them, I extoll them...I admonish as best I know how.
Today I watched one of my "sons" realize his dreams of championhood. He is strong, willing, determined and, now, focused. Focus. I am busting with pride to know I had 5 minutes worth of time in helping him realize for himself this good way. It is return on an invaluable investment. The best kind.
Today I realized that one of my littlest ones has tried a few times in the last few months to end his stay on this earth. I wept. I weep as I write. So bright so young so fun so dramatic and special and intuitive. So heavy with worldly woes at 14. Yet...he gives hugs whenever we meet, seeks me out to have an occassion to laugh and morphs from stone faced and sober to a wild-waving fanatic from across a quadrangle when he sees me and OOHH! in that moment he is the carefree child he should be again. How I want to give him as many of those moments as is possible.
Today I realized that one of my seniors is sabotaging himself purposely. He is testing those who are trying to see him realize a most patriotic and noble goal. He has all the tools and oh when he is in his little cadre he is in complete control however....he's just been reduced to deck swab on my watch. This young man is daring me to quit on him. Begging me without word or gesture to discipline him...keep him accountable. And now...I'm afraid I won't be enough.
Today I wallowed momentarily in the knowledge that the student I have had the longest is giving up on himself. He has no goals...only a social agenda that I suspect he doesn't realize will pass him by with age. How do you help a person achieve who believes they are worthless, brow-beaten and well...lazy. How do you help a man who is failing 6 classes stop the slippery slope...how? How can I, as a teacher, love him better, teach him best, reach him, HURRY! I'm running out of time.
Today I was reminded that another of my "sons" is beyond my reach and I can't help him when he's out of my little snow globe. Sadly I am not omnipresent...and I can't do for all...but I can do all for some.
Today I was given back the inkling of a gift I thought I would never see returned and I scarcely have the heart to hope...so I'll just lay down my hands and let God do the driving.
Yes I seem to have taken my work home with me tonight. I'm not just some French teacher....I'm helping or hell trying to help be a good influence to build good men and women. Men and women who know truth, hard work, hard play, hard love, and hard laughter. Perhaps if I build enough good men...I'll know one when I meet him and he me.
But for now I'm souled out *pun intended* to these, my "sons" and I will do all I can. I am single-minded...but not obsessed. I feel called, compelled. It is not a game, it is not a chess match. These are real people, real lives...and I a lynch-pin, hair-trigger season ticket holder.
God give me wisdom....please!!!
posted by Odessa78 | 6:52 PM
1 Comments:
Wow - That's a lot to take in at once.....call me if you need to :)
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